dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
