I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
