My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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