i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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