I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
