shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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