She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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