dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
