I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
