Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
