I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
