She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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