He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
