I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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