Too much gin, very little bucket
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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