I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
