i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Even my vagina gasped.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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