I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
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We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize