Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
