Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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