at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
