He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
