Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
