If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
