you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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