i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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