Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
