did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
