So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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