wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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