I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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