That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
