im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
