This is not my ceiling
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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