We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
