I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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