just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
