Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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