I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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