they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I need to stop coming to work sober
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
