woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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