I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
