evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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