I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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