Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
