Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
