your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
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Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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