I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
accomplished twins. life is a go
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
