I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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