Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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