just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
