This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
