help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
