the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
