walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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