okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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