Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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