Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Mom said you looked used
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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