I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no, he came in my armpit
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
