I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
