I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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