You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
