i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
