3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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