then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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