I'm jealous of your bromance
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
