so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
