If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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