you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
